What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 00:02
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why does my vagina and around my butthole itch? I don't have weird discharge and I'm still a virgin.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Do narcissists love their children?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She was in good health!
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I did it because my mum asked me too!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She found it foreign!.
What is the naughtiest fantasy that you've lived out?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He knew the spot.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
What thing happened to you as a child that you haven’t let go of to this day?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
What are the popular niches to talk about as a content creator on the social media platform?
All the time i was locked up.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Who are the archers in Genesis 49:23?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why would a spouse cheat if the marriage is good?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My life is so biszare .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I have no regrets .
Who then, do I blame.?
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She married twice! .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I waited trembling.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was seconnd youngest,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was scared of men, in general
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Would this be the day?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was 9 years of age.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
This is soul school!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But it wasn’t much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We all went to grammer schools
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I couldn’t, believe it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Comes on , in middle age.
And i lived it daily.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I could never make a relationship work though!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One cannot live in the past .
I think the readers, may guess!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My family never makes their pension either.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was very sick at this time too.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were not on the streets..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He resisted the act ,that day.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But, we were locked up after school.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Especially a lifetime of it.
What did i know ?
She wouldn,t have been !
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I said to her
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It was going to be , some day.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I don,t even have a pension.
She loved him until the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I will be 64.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im still living with it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So whats the point in blame.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I write beautiful poetry .
Ive learnt so much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So, i spoilt her more .